Time is of the Essence

The foundation for keeping a marriage strong is time! You may say, “No it’s not, communication is!” While I will agree that communication is very important, it still falls second to time. Without adequate time for one another, good communication skills will be hard to utilize. However, you may still say, “We do have enough time for each other, but we still argue all the time.” My response? At least you will have a better chance at learning to communicate because you have time to work on those skills together.

You see, one of the biggest things that I have experienced in my years of being a therapist is that everybody complains about not being able to communicate well with one another. However, almost eight times out of ten, I find that a big factor in the breakdown of their communication is that they've become so busy that they don't have time to actually talk and process together. What I often see is that people don't fall out of love first; they usually fall out of knowing each other due to lack of time, which further exacerbates poor communication of needs.

As a therapist, one of the first things I address with a couple is how to make (and commit to) time for one another each night. This is especially important when they're trying to rebuild a connection with one another, as it allows them to continually deepen their knowledge and understanding of who the other person is, who they are becoming, and what their daily needs are. Yes, communication is important. But I also think that time is of the essence.

ACTION STEP: This week, sit down with your spouse and see if you can plan a weekly practice of making an hour to an hour and a half of uninterrupted time for each other, solely focused on processing your week. Schedule it and keep it as you would keep an appointment with someone who pays your salary!