Check-in Time

As I have mentioned previously, making time for our spouse on a regular basis is very important for marital connection and health. Too often we come home from work and find ourselves settling in either to relax or to attend to the many household chores. We may “divide and conquer” without taking time to discuss what needs to be done, or we simply dive into our own world and wants without checking in with our spouse.

This was a slippery slope for me and my wife early in our marriage because we just did what needed to be done, found our own time for personal psychological restoration after a long day, and occasionally exchanged a few cordial or heated words as we crossed paths. We made assumptions, we got irritated with each other, we neglected each other’s needs, and we eventually found this pattern to be working against the health of our relationship.

What my wife and I discovered and established in our relationship is what I call check-in time. When we get home from work or from being apart for any length of time, we find each other immediately to discuss our days. What were the joys and the struggles? What does the other person need right now to feel like we’re connected and have a shared plan to successfully finish out the day? How can we be on the same page and help each other get our needs met?

ACTION STEP: This week, agree with your spouse to start practicing the art of a check-in time when you reconnect each day. This will involve making about 15 minutes of uninterrupted time for each other which is focused on processing your day, the things that still need to be accomplished, and the help needed by the other person.