The Book of Proverbs and Marriage - 4

(Proverbs 12: 1) “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates reproof is stupid.”

I would like to take a different view on this proverb than may seem the obvious choice. I believe that we have to be careful not to grow apathetic and dismissive toward our spouse’s concerns and criticism. We can find ourselves defensive at first, but slowly moving to a half-hearted “Yes, Dear” with no desire to change our behavior. We can also deem their words as unjustified ‘nagging’ in order to defend our actions or inactions. Ultimately, we refuse to take any stock in their view or struggle, or, down deep, we just don’t want to change.

However, to be in a relationship, where we have committed to each other to be their ‘helpmate,’ necessitates sacrifice, growth, and, at times, change. In order to grow, we need information and a desire to make adjustments in our life. If we are resistant to change and growth, we can become irritated with suggested correction or reproof. Eventually, it will make us bitter as contempt for the other person sets in. As I often tell couples in my marriage classes, struggles in your marital relationship can either make you better or bitter.

This proverb should remind us that becoming better as a person requires knowledge, discipline, and a desire for both. The beauty of what a true helpmate should be, is a trusted friend who wants the best for us, as an individual and as a couple, and is willing to be honest with hopes of trying to work toward this end. But, as one is willing to give, hopefully in a gentle manor, the other should be as equally willing to receive, hopefully with receptiveness.   

True love desires the good of the other for the sake of the other. It necessitates sacrifice and honesty. It deepens through a willingness to become more like Christ toward each other, and it flourishes through change and growth.

ACTION STEP: This week, open your heart to knowing more of what your spouse needs from you, rather than becoming contentious or apathetic.