The Book of Proverbs and Marriage - 3

(Proverbs 11:13) “One who slanders reveals secrets, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.”

With our words, we have the power to build up others or the power to tear them down. It is especially damaging when we use our words to betray someone who has entrusted their heart to us, like our spouse. As husband and wife, we trust our lives, our personal feelings, and our “secrets” with each other since there is a deep desire we all have to be seen and loved for who we are. When these secrets are betrayed, damage to the relationship can run deep.

I have worked with several couples who, when they were angry with each other and emotional raw, used each other’s personal information as a ‘weapon’ against the other spouse. Some of the less egregious offenses were when they used the secrets as a way of mocking or ridiculing their spouse. The harsher transgressions had to do with revealing personal information with relatives and friends, or with posting them on social media. Either way, they were used as a way of tearing the other person down or punishing them. As a therapist, it bothers me deeply to hear about such behavior between two people who have sworn an oath, before God and to each other, to honor and love one another. I believe this is why the author Dante, in his book “The Divine Comedy,” assigns the deepest part of hell to those who betrayed others.

There is no excuse for purposefully hurting our spouse, and our vows necessitate that we never use entrusted information as a weapon. “Getting even” is never a recipe for healing and unity. We should seek every possible method to rebuild love and trust in our marriage, and be committed not to tearing each other down in the process. Only sacrifice, understanding, honesty, perseverance, and time can rebuild unity and trust.

ACTION STEP: This week, seek to find true healing in the broken areas of your marriage, and resolve never to use personal information as a weapon.