Prayer of St. Francis - Verse 2
“Where there is hatred, let me sow love;”
Ten years into my own marriage, I found myself at odds with my wife due to many disagreements and arguments about parenting, intimacy, and feelings of neglect. Though neither of us intended to hurt each other, we lost sight of how to meet each other’s needs, in the midst of our ever changing and stressful life together. We fought a lot and slowly started to think the worst of each other. We struggled with what this all meant for the wellbeing of our marriage and how we were going to move beyond these difficulties.
This week, we focus on the 2nd verse of the St. Francis Prayer, where we continue our efforts in being and instrument in the hands of God. Dr. John Gottman, marriage guru and author, in his writings about, what he calls, the “Four Horsemen” of a dying marriage, states that one of the death knell marital behaviors is when couples display contempt for each other. Contempt is a strong feel of disgust and lack of respect for another person. When this attitude becomes the motivating factor in how we respond to our spouse, often deep emotional scars will follow.
It’s very sad when two people who have made a vow to love and honor each other, and who share a deep intimacy, turn to hatred in their interactions towards each other. Contempt never resolves brokenness. Only love can soften a hardened, bitter heart. This is the reason Christ calls us to love our enemies. Through this verse in the SF prayer, we are asking God to help us to be an instrument of love when loving another person is extremely difficult. All of this to be Christ’s light to one another.
So, we ask through this prayer that we may be given the grace and courage to sow seeds of love into our marriage, especially when it is hard. Stephanie and I found our way back to a happy marriage, through a lot of self-reflection and through ongoing acts of sacrificial love. It took time and effort, but it was so much better than moving into a state of contempt and hopelessness.
ACTION STEP: This week, seek to sow seeds of love and gentleness in any areas where you feel the desire to think the worst of your spouse.