We See
(John 9: 39-41) Then Jesus said, “I came into this world for judgment, so that those who do not see might see, and those who do see might become blind.” Some of the Pharisees who were with him heard this and said to him, “Surely we are not also blind, are we?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but now you are saying, ‘We see,’ so your sin remains.
I am going to attempt to comment on what I believe this passage is saying and then relate it to marriage. Why? Because that’s what I do. In this passage, Jesus is not solely talking about physical blindness. When referring to the Pharisees, he’s alluding to their spiritual and even moral blindness. The Pharisees are not the innocent blind, willing to accept the testimony of others but rather they refuse to see their long-awaited Savior in front of them because of their arrogance and pride. Their rejection of Christ is their sin and their downfall. Christ spells out the symbolic meaning of the cure: If you allow yourself to admit you don’t know everything, then I (Christ) can teach you something that will help your well being. But because you say ‘We see’ or we know better, you cannot learn, and thus your hearts will not be open to the remedy for your sinful pride. Thus, your sin remains.
In therapy, I often hear the complaint from couples that their spouse informs them that they are wrong as soon as they hear something they don’t like from them. They are quick to argue, and defend, and explain until both end up yelling at each other and then walking away angry. But, when I am able to help couples, in session, really listen to their spouse and to seek understanding, 9 times out of 10, most of them discover that all they are arguing about is the ‘symptoms’ of a situation and not the root cause. They miss the deeper fear, or need, or concern, and thus nothing ever changes. Their problem (sin) remains.
Couples need to stop arguing from their own ‘not-fully-informed’ perception, and truly seek to completely understand each other’s perceptions, root concerns, and needs if they are going to have any progress and healing. But first we have to admit, “I’m blind, and need a cure for my blindness.”
ACTION STEP: This week, take more opportunities to ‘pause’ your reactions to your spouse, and put effort into understanding the ‘root’ fear, need, or concern behind each issue.