Transparency
One of the great destroyers of rebuilding trust in a marriage is when we hide things from our spouse in this process. Transparency is vitally important, especially in today’s culture. Trust is getting harder and harder to rebuild once broken because we live in an age where we can live secret lives and do secret things, through our computer or cell phone that can be erased and denied. Secrets kill, so we need to kill the secrets! If you have been keeping secrets, stop immediately and work to heal and create more transparency in your relationship. If you have not – GREAT! I will also add, don’t start - because this area can become a very tricky one from which to rebuild trust, even with the best of therapy.
I have seen many couples who have struggled with, one or both persons, having had inappropriate relationships with another person through Facebook, texting or through chat rooms and are savvy enough to try to get rid of the evidence. The person doing this behavior is creating a pattern from which it can be hard to regain trust, when they do decide to stop, because their spouse may never know if they are truly changing or just getting better at covering their tracks. This can become a struggle for both, even if the offender is really trying to change. It takes a lot more time, effort and, in some cases, a lot of money to really prove that you are truly being transparent and trying to change.
Transparency is your best defense in marriage, right from the beginning. If we are one flesh but feel like our spouse is hiding stuff from us (feelings, relationships, bank accounts, etc.), this will only result in us living a life that is a lie and a mockery of our covenantal oath before God Himself. How can we expect God to bless our vow as we are destroying it! We need to build in firewalls or boundaries into our life that keep an open line of communication with and a view into our daily events for our spouse. Trusting our helpmate is critical on this journey toward Heaven!
ACTION STEP: This week, take stock of all the ways you keep things about your life secret from your spouse and consider getting those things out of your life and, if needed, repair the damage that it may have done.