The Book of Sirach and Marriage - 6

(Sirach 7: 36) “In whatever you do, remember your last days, and you will never sin.”

One tool that I use in my therapy sessions with couples, is to ask them what they want to be remembered for, by their spouse and children, when they are on their death bed. Sounds a little morbid. Yet, it often gets them to stop focusing on petty issues and frustrated conversations in order to think about the sum total of the legacy that they will someday leave behind. Because, like it or not, 100% of us will face this reality.

I recently lost my brother-in-law at the age of 58 years old. It took us all by surprise and was a very hard process to go through. Part of the process, was remembering and writing down things about his life, that defined who he was, for the pastor to speak about at the funeral. As we walked through it, all I could think about was “what kind of legacy and what kind of memories I was going to leave behind?”

In my office, is a picture of the ‘Death of St. Joseph’ where Joseph is in the midst of dying, and he has Jesus cradling him while Jesus’ head is on Joseph’s head, as if he is deeply connecting with and praying for him. Mary is sitting next to Joseph holding his hand with love and sadness in her eyes. That’s how I want to die; in the arms of Christ, and with the company of Mary as she answers my many times of asking for her to “pray for me at the hour of my death.” Along with them, I desire to have my spouse and children there praying and remembering their Father as a man of God who was Christ-like in his love for them as well as others. This is my ‘keeping the end in mind.’

So, in pondering our own death, may it inspire us to be more gentle when we feel like being harsh; to be more kind when we feel like being critical; to be more patient when our time is being imposed upon; to be more loving when our anger is aroused. May we reconcile quickly, forgive more, encourage, lift each other up, and show each other true charity as often as possible.    

ACTION STEP: This week, think more about how you want to be remembered by your loved ones and let that guide your actions with them.