The Book of Sirach and Marriage - 2

(Sirach 4: 29 – 31) “Do not be haughty in your speech, or lazy and slack in your deeds. Do not be like a lion at home, or sly and suspicious with your servants. Do not let your hand be open to receive, but clenched when it is time to give.”

There is so much to this passage of Sirach that I should probably split it into two marriage tips. However, I’m going to attempt to sum up how I see it applying to marriage. In a nutshell, that “actions speak louder than words” and that we are called to be generous with our spouse and kids and not just give them the ‘leftovers’ of ourselves each day. Often I hear couples say that they feel like their spouse takes them for granted and does kinder things for others than they do for them. They state feeling last on their spouse’s list and often treated with frustration and irritation when they ask for anything from them.

We are often more than generous with our time and attention with our beloved when we are dating and trying to win each other over. But often in marriage, we get into a rut and stop being intentional in our generosity towards our spouse. However, we are usually the first to complain when we feel we are not getting our spouse’s deliberate love and affection. We expect so much, but often give so little.

However, we may think we are doing a great deal for our family: going to work each day, paying the bills, driving the children everywhere, cleaning up the house, caring for the children, and so on. We argue with our spouse when we feel unjustly accused of not caring about their needs as we consider all of the daily tasks we have done out of love for them. But what often is happening, in many of the marriages I counsel, is that the ‘functional’ needs are being taken care of, but the emotional needs are being neglected. We get lazy in this area of life. When this happens, we start to ‘keep count’ and compare the amount of work each of us is doing.

What’s needed, is for spouse’s to get back to intentionally feeding each other’s emotional needs as we are dealing with the functional needs. We need to speak each other’s love languages regularly. We need to make time for each other, and take time to nourish the relationship.

ACTION STEP: This week, do just that, make time for each other, and take time to nourish your relationship.