The Book of Sirach and Marriage - 1

(Sirach 3: 26 – 27) “A stubborn heart will fare badly in the end; those who love danger will perish in it. A stubborn heart will have many a hurt; adding sin to sin is madness.”

I now turn the focus of my marriage tips to the Book of Sirach. It is one of my favorite books in Scripture because it is filled with so much wisdom. This first passage caught my eye because it made me think about the many couples I see in therapy that have punctuated their stories of anger and disconnect toward each other with the statement, “We are both very stubborn.” Most of them say it as an excuse; as if to convey that it is somehow a genetic flaw in their design. To which I quickly retort, “And you’re willing to hold onto your stubbornness at the cost of your marriage?” I have come to see the accuracy of this passage especially in the second sentence. Stubbornness that is held onto will create many a hurt, and in the end, it really is madness.

Stubbornness, at its root is pride. “I am right and you are not. End of story! And I’m willing to go down with the ship to prove it.” OK, but God calls us to humility. To see that only He is always right and that we are not God. Because He has made each and every one of us in His image, we all have profound worth, as do our feelings and our thoughts. We all are trying to figure out life.

And whether or not your spouse’s perceptions or choices are right or wrong, good or bad is not the point. The question is “do we take time to understand each other’s perceptions, struggles, and discernment which played a part in getting them to that opinion?” If not, then it merely becomes a battle of my point against yours without truly seeing the deeper issues.

 Stop the stubborn battle. Open your ears to understanding. Get to the heart of the issue even if it takes some time. Be gentle with each other. Take a break if emotions start to run high. But most of all, ask God for the grace to help you both through these difficult times.     

ACTION STEP: This week, check your stubbornness at the ‘door’ of your marital relationship and seek to understand so you can be your spouse’s helpmate and not their adversary.