Physician, Heal Thyself

(John 8: 4-5,7) - “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So, what do you say?” …when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

I used to love this passage when I was a kid, often because I felt like I was blamed for so many bad behaviors, and I wished everyone else knew they were ‘no saint’ either. Today, I still love this passage, but for reasons not the same as my earlier one. We live in a world where, so few people take accountability for their own behaviors and many even justify their poor decisions. Many are quick to point blame at others to get the culpability off themselves.

Where this is very destructive is when it is displayed in our relationship with our spouse. So many couples that I see in therapy are quick to list all of the faults of their spouse and exaggerate each memory in hopes to get me on their side. In addition, they are also good at minimizing their own liability through a string of justifications and accusations of spousal misunderstandings and lies. These moments quickly digress into a pool of angry banter and tears.  

In the Scripture above, Jesus is calling each one of us to look at our own sins and failings and to “heal thyself first.” The problem is that we expect others to change but often we are not willing to do the same. We expect so much of others but give back so little of ourselves in return. The only person we can change is ourselves. Focus more on how you can make things better in yourself and in your relationship. And, since none of us are without sin, we need to stop throwing stones and instead start using them to build bridges back to each other.   

ACTION STEP: This week, avoid quick justifications of your behavior and blaming of your spouse for problems in your marriage. Seek to improve yourself first.