Love is not Rude

Lately, I have seen a great number of marital communication issues in therapy that have a component of rudeness at the core. Whether it was present since the beginning of their marriage or developed little by little through the breakdown of their communication, it certainly became a dividing force in their ability to have good dialogue. Other words for rudeness include ill-mannered, discourteous, insulting, and crude. This plays out in relationships as sarcasm, foul language, and insults. 

When our conversations get heated, we allow ourselves to become frustrated and begin fighting back with anger and sarcasm. If we are not careful, we can also move to using foul language and insults to dominate or shut down the conversation, neither of which creates an environment for open, effective dialogue.

Love calls for us to hold our tongue or to take a break when arguments escalate. Prayer, together with taking a break from the conversation to calm down, is often the best remedy. Afterwards, we need to approach the conversation again, this time with patience, gentleness, and a willingness to listen and understand. Love does not flourish with a rude disposition but rather becomes broken and divided. Rather, it requires us to refine our sharp edges which cut into the heart of our beloved.

ACTION STEP: This week, pay attention to the ways you use sarcasm, foul language, or insults in your communication with your spouse. Work particularly hard at changing this pattern by holding your tongue or taking a break from the conversation when you need to refocus. Intentionally revisit the conversation at a later time.