Love Is Not Quick Tempered

In my therapy sessions, one of the areas I often address with couples is the hurt that comes out of moments of anger that occur during disagreements. They frequently respond to my questions with something like, “Yeah, we’re both just bullheaded.” In our conversations, we often don’t truly listen to each other, which results in both spouses feeling unheard. We can blame it on bullheadedness, but the real root is pride. If we don’t like something our spouse says, we quickly begin defending ourselves rather than trying to understand the reasons behind our spouse’s perception. When we lash out in anger, the war begins.

We need to practice being slow to anger. If we cannot find the patience within us, we need to take a ‘time out’ from the argument and cool our head. Take a reasonable amount of time, pray for calmness and clear thinking, and jot down some thoughts if you need. Come back together with your spouse with the intent to listen carefully and to understand their perception. If you don’t do this, you may end up arguing from two totally different perspectives (and remember, our perception is our reality) as you did before. This will, in turn, will prevent you from addressing the real issues. James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger….”   

ACTION STEP: This week, take time-outs when anger enters a discussion. Pray and ask for the grace to return to the conversation, to be gentle, and to work harder at understanding each other’s perceptions before trying to solve an issue.