Love Does Not Seek its Own Interest

St. Thomas Aquinas defines true love as a choice to will the good of the other. This means seeking to do things for another person for the sake of their own well-being, no strings attached. I often work with married couples who want to experience all the joys of marriage while continuing to do all the same activities they loved when they were single. While it is good (and even necessary) to still have our own interests and hobbies, they should never take precedence over the needs of our spouse. We have to remember that marriage is a sacrament of sacrifice and service. This indicates that we are often called to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and serve the needs of our spouse and children, often at the cost of what we would prefer to do.

We have to recognize that the wellbeing of our family now has to come first, and our wants cannot override the needs of our family. Yes, we can have our stress outlets and hobbies, but they have to be in balance with the necessity of connecting with and serving my family’s needs. Too often things like social media, sports, gaming, partying, over-working, hobbies, etc. can consume so much of our time that we neglect our spouse and kids. We should seek to build new or renewed common interests with our spouse and our kids. Doing this will create more connections, good memories, and time for building our relationships.

ACTION STEP: This week, take notice of the areas of family life with which your spouse feels overwhelmed and ask them how you can help more. Do it with a heart of compassion and joy rather than.