Love is not Jealous

Jealousy is often synonymous with envy. “It is defined to be a sorrow which one entertains at another’s well-being because of a view that one’s own excellence is in consequence lessened” (the original Catholic Encyclopedia, published between 1907 and 1912). There are two parts to this that need to be addressed when it comes to marriage. First, we need to avoid being inclined towards jealousy when it comes to the accomplishments, talents, or advancements of our spouse. Second, we need to avoid causing our spouse to be tempted toward jealousy.

Love calls us to rejoice in our spouse’s successes and mourn with them in their struggles and failures. Sometimes in marriage we can find ourselves feeling jealous of our spouse because of their talents, accomplishments, and status in the eyes of others. We may feel “less than” or in competition with them, allowing ourselves to foster resentment toward them. Often this comes out of our own pride and insecurities. This resentment can play itself out through harshness and impatience with each other, which in turn widens the distance between one another and reveals a pettiness to those around us, especially our family.

Love also calls us to not provoke our spouse to jealousy through having close, exclusive relationships with friends from the opposite sex. When things get rocky in our marriage, we may be tempted to talk to that friend about our marital problems more than to our spouse. This is nothing less than a recipe for disaster. 

ACTION STEP: This week, seek, through the grace of God, to be more supportive of your spouse’s accomplishments and regularly encourage their growth in that area. Secondly, seek to alter any opposite-sex relationships that have become too enmeshed. Discuss this step with your spouse.