Love is Kind

One danger in any close relationship, especially marriage, is that of slipping into such a familiarity with each other that we allow ourselves to freely kid around with each other through playful put-downs, sarcastic remarks, and jokes. Often, these forms of banter can find their way into our speech and attitude when we address areas of concern or disagreement with each other. We use jokes and sarcasm in hopes that we can get our point across without direct confrontation, and we dodge responsibility for the anger or hurt feelings that may result by claiming, “I was just kidding.” Sometimes we may even get indignant when they don’t believe our intention. What starts as simple banter, even outside of more serious discussions, can turn into malicious and hateful words and angry arguments.

Love, however, calls for us to sow seeds of kindness and gentleness into every interaction. Do yourself a huge favor and avoid (or eliminate) the habit of “passive-aggressive” or indirect messaging. Rather than using a joke or sarcasm to hint at our hurts or frustrations, talk directly to to your beloved. Work harder at making time for the difficult conversations and navigate those discussions in such a way that shows a desire for understanding, reconnection, and peace. Cultivate a heart of gentleness and kindness which seeks unity, a heart which understands that when you are only out to “win” an argument, the relationship suffers. When both spouses work through the difficulty with mutual benefit, the relationship grows. In the end, a gentle and kind demeanor often has the power to inspire a change of heart, while a behavior of revenge, sarcasm, and mean-spiritedness only fuels more anger and resentment.

ACTION STEP: This week, to bring about a deeper sense of love in your marriage, practice holding back an angry tongue and seek to be more patient and kind. If you struggle, meditate on the crucifix, and remember that Christ walked the road to Calvary for you with compassion and pure charity, not contempt.