Fruit of the Spirit - Peace
The distance between happiness and peace are the same as between pleasure and satisfaction. One is fleeting and the other is longer lasting. For example, eating a whole sleave of Oreo cookies might give me pleasure and happiness in the moment, but later on I might not like the effects it has on my body or my next dentist appointment. On the other hand, running twenty laps at soccer practice might curtail my immediate state of happiness and feelings of pleasure, but given time, getting in better condition can have a positive effect on my satisfaction about the condition of my health and more peace with how I am caring for my body.
Now let’s transfer that to our marriage. So many couples that come into marriage therapy say to me that they “just want to be happy in their marriage,” and many men will tell me that they “just want their wife to be happy.” Yet the reality is that there are not enough good jokes in the world or YouTube videos of people doing stupid things that can make the difficulties of life go away or make our relationship more joy-filled. We often wish we could capture a happy moment and freeze it in time. We do everything in our power to keep “happy” going through initiating distractions, silly quips, or pithy sayings like, “just look on the bright side” or “at least you don’t have [fill in the blank].”
The reality is that life is hard at times and sometimes very complicated. What we ultimately are desiring is peace. We can have peace even in the moments of “unhappiness.” How? Through a marriage that is fulfilling, attentive, loving, and compassionate. Sometimes we won’t have happiness for a while, but during these times, we are called to walk this ‘Road to Calvary’ together and help each other in carrying their cross. Sometimes we are called to give to one another in a way that is sacrificial and time consuming.
Ultimately, it is in the giving to and ‘feeding’ of one another that we strengthen our relationship and find true peace in a love that endures despite suffering. In time, the rain will stop, and the sun will shine again. But it’s not the sun that brings us true peace, but rather the knowledge that someone was willing to walk with us and love us, both in the times of rain and the times of sun.
ACTION STEP: This week, ask God for the grace to walk with your spouse through the trials of life with patience and compassion. Ask, “What part of your cross can I help you carry?”