Fruit of the Spirit - Gentleness

“Love each other as God loves each one of you, with an intense and particular love. Be kind to each other: It is better to commit faults with gentleness than to work miracles with unkindness.”
St. Teresa of Calcutta.

I know I have talked about this concept before when it comes to marriage, but it doesn’t hurt to say it again…and again…and again. Gentleness is critical when it comes to our marital relationship. Too often we lack this virtue with our spouse because we have higher expectations of them, our disappointment in their mistakes is greater due to our dependence on them, or we have fears or past hurts that cause us to, at times, question their true intentions or sincerity. We react to these upsetting situations often with frustration, anger, or incredulity. However, this type of response usually results in arguments or emotional withdrawal. With both of these responses comes marital division.

When we make mistakes, it can be humbling or embarrassing to see the pain we’ve caused our spouse. It’s understandable for there to be an initial stage of frustration and disappointment for our spouse. But when their anger continues to pummel or punish us, even after we have apologized and are seeking to make amends, eventually it can complicate and exacerbate the process of trying to make things better.       

Our best defense in any situation is to have a productive and heartfelt discussion that brings about understanding and resolve. Gentleness helps in creating an environment that is inviting and helps us have a better chance of encouraging a unified approach towards resolution. I often tell my students and clients that if we are going to have any chance at keeping unity in our marriage, we need to build communication that is welcoming, not aggressive. Assertive, but gentle. 

ACTION STEP: This week, practice more gentleness with your spouse, especially when it is the hardest.