Wooful or Woeful

One of my favorite words to use when talking to married couples in counseling and in classes is “woo.” It’s another word for court, pursue, or date. I use it a lot because it is one of the things I’m trying to get couples to do. When many of us were dating our spouse many (or a few) years back, we found ourselves eventually pursuing a longer term relationship with them and so we put more effort, creativity, and zeal into trying to win them over. We were more intentional. We felt things more deeply. We often paid more attention to details, and we were focused on winning their heart.

But then marriage came along and years went by, and children came along, and so did homes with mortgages, promotions at work, sporting events, and the such. Along with all the new daily grind responsibilities and pressures, somewhere along the way, we lost our woo and started to feel the woe of a lifestyle or of life events that slowly started to suck away our time and energy for pursuing our spouse. Since we were married, we found it was unnecessary and just saw it as part of the natural progression, especially since we had already won their heart and were committed.

However, as I see time and time again in my office, many of these couples continue down the path of taking each other for granted because of being too busy, too distracted, too driven, too (you fill in the blank) and little by little they felt the emotional distance between them. They experienced a lack of feeling cared for by their spouse and a lack of joy and passion between them. Then their functional relationship took precedence and their intimate relationship suffered due to lack of time. Because, the reality is that there is NO substitute for time when it comes to building, rebuilding, strengthening, or maintaining a strong healthy relationship.

So, it is imperative to rediscover the beauty of who our spouse is and who they are becoming at all times in our life together. We have to intentionally woo each other through dates and time spent connecting, staying in the “know,” and enjoying the one-on-one time with our beloved. We need to work at pursuing a renewed interest in them, pursuing ongoing joy with them, and pursuing intimate time with them. The moment we stop wooing, is when the woe creeps back in.

ACTION STEP: This week, reignite a little woo between your spouse and you.