Reclaiming “Making Love”
Sex. It’s one of those topics that we don’t often discuss aloud in marriage and yet we must try to navigate it together. We are bombarded with references to it and perversions of it all around us: commercials, magazines, TV shows, internet ads, movie titles, pornography, etc. It is a huge part of our marriage and a renewal of our marital vows when shared with each other, yet it is one area that suffers the most for a wide variety of reasons. We have been given so many views about sex, what’s best for our marriage, and about what guys want versus what women want, that it is often hard to see the deep beauty of what it truly is meant to be outside of the mere fact that we like how it feels…some of the time.
As Christians, we have to realize that this one-flesh union (OFU) gift from God is not only a means of procreation and bonding but also a means of tapping into the mysteries and realities of God Himself. Through it, we have the possibility of becoming co-creators with Christ as the gift of our OFU and our love for each other has the design to produce the embodiment of this love in the life of a child. This design, in a small sense, mirrors the Trinitarian love of God: the outpouring love of God the Father for the Son is the third person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit. All creation points to God, and this great gift of God does just that. It is a gift from God and is meant to be a gift that we give to one another in marriage. It is not something that we should allow to be destroyed through lust and perversions from Satan and the world around us, who seek to destroy everything good from God. So, we must reclaim the sanctity and beauty of it in our marriage.
So, what am I ultimately trying to get at? First, stop turning to the world for your instructions on what true “love making” is. Most of it is profane, dark, and self-centered. Seek spiritual guidance on what is good and holy when it comes to our one-flesh union. Second, talk more with your spouse and be clear of what your intimacy needs are as well as discuss those things that are not helpful for you in experiencing a true gift of love from your spouse. Build up more emotional connections between OFU experiences through meeting each other’s emotional needs. Remember, the brain is the biggest sex organ in the body. Seek to both individually work at initiating the intimacy. Lastly, but most importantly, pray…together. Ask God for guidance, help and unity in your OFU gift.
ACTION STEP: This week, take time to discuss this topic openly and gently.